so tomorrow i have my last first scrimmage. I cant believe that i have already been in college for three years, and this is it. This year is really GO HARD OR GO HARD.. because once i go home, thats it.. it's over. it amazing how time flies.. every once in a while i find myself day dreaming in class or what have you about dying. Whats its going to feel like, or my parents dying and it scares me.. 21 years are gone so fast.. and im sure the rest only go faster.

I'v also come to the conclusion that i have no friends. When i make friends or a "boy friend" i am with them fo some time and then psuh them away. i have to stop pushing them away, but i want someone who will push back harder... someone that wants to see me.. that almost needs to see me and be with me. I guess its hard to describe but at the same time i love being alone, its lonely over here. I dont know wat to think or want anymore. this just frustrates me.. but i cant do anything about it right now..

i just wish i had someone that i could talk to all the time. I turn to my best friends brother but i feel like even that will become dangerous. well.. wish me luck

*all it takes is faith, trust, and pixie dust*